Ive missed her terribly for two years. I lost my mom that I took care of for almost 5 yrs and I saw her take her last breathe and its been two yrs now and people act like should be over losing her and when all the people that have been lost this year from covid 19 its just reminds of what and how I lost her. The year anniversary of his passing will be Dec 5. My youngest son lost his battle to addiction Sep 30 2017. custom URL tracking provided She died at the age of six from a 1 in a million chance disorder called fires. The waves, as mentioned still come but now we feel the need to hide them which isolates us more. I have found that others are more concerned about the death anniversary and the month surrounding it than I am. I feel like I want to lay in bed all day and would be perfectly content doing just that. There are still things in life you must accomplish. Honest quotes about grief: Tonight. Missing You: 22 Honest Quotes About Grief - Online i could be just reading a magazine and something pops up she used to like. Its a reality that still blows my mind.hes not here but he should be, Im incomplete and trying to find the new me. I watched his body deteriorate over the next 8 months, and I was at his bedside when he passed. Now, the black pebbles outweigh the pearls, but there are shining days and I pray and am sure for you, and for me, the beautiful pearls will return, one by one. I lost my husband 4 years this September and I feel as I also feel the pain my children feel on his birthday and fathers day. Amber whatever you do.dont blame yourself no one knows how they would respond in a traumatic situation. Like you my life has changed completely I feel I am a different person, Im not sure I know myself. This 2nd year is unbelievably hard. I speak to him every day! Its impossible for other people to understand if they havent experienced this loss. He battled stage 4 lung cancer (also never smoked) for 7 1/2 years. So not get confused by readings and spiritual books, everything you need to know you already know AND if I get to the end of my life and there isnt anything else but being reunited graveside and no knowledge of it, I still will feel better for the illusion of togetherness than the reality of separation. Hi- I just read your storyits almost been 2 years since my husband died. Wishing you peace on this day of remembrance. I take one day at a time. Since then, I have a general awareness that she watches over me, but I cant hear or feel her. He let me sleep late as part of my anniversary gift, and so that day i never told him Good Morning, nor have a good day, nor Goodbye. Im living for him as well. My heart goes out to each and every one of you. You might even expect that of yourself. But his plans now don't appear as concrete. Screaming, crying, cursing God, cursing everybody and everything. First year, I got through, thinking 2nd year will be better looking at my 3rd holiday season without him Today is 5 months and It's really not a great day for me at all, Since he has passed not one day has been good..I wake up thinking about him, I go to bed thinking about him..We were together 35 years married 34. But tied together since day one.And that was how it really was. My prayers be with you all. Some guidance and encouragement from a person who truly understands the all-encompassing nature of grief and how if affects every moment and every part of life could be just what you need to move forward. What did the doctors miss? I blame myself a lot because I tell myself what if what if. It was an honor to be there for her and care for her, but those memories of the last six months are so strong. I have less friends here now because my husband is no longer here. I am so fortunate that I have our wedding video. Seek family, friends or local grief help. Any suggestions. What helped me a little was to think that she was traveling and that she was coming back home in a few days The fact remains I just dont know what to do most of the time. Grief counselling for me in next 3m which helped build confidence. I know Im late to this post but I lost my husband six months ago. Want. First put a start date in a cell, and an end date in another. And i can relate with you. We started a church 8 years ago with a small group of people and our lives were filled with helping others and spending time with our kids & grandkids. My days run together, its the absolute worst heartache Ive ever experienced. He came to me in a dream. Yes, the 2nd year seems much worse. Grief is Grief. I Miss You Messages for Mom after Death: Quotes to Remember a Mother My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. How do I move on. If there is a God please let me die. I hv a beautiful daughter, but I want her 2 live, not burdened w/my emotions. I cant go bact to where mum passed away or even look at the place when passing same listening to a song that was played at mums funeral. Year 2.5 has made me more vulnerable to thoughtless remarks. Peace and acceptance will come. We never thought this type of loss could happen to us. I fight to have a normal life for my daughter. As I reflect on the past five years, I've remembered some things and forgotten others; I've grown; I've surprised myself in a lot of ways. Yes, my husband just dropped dead at the gym nearly one year ago to the day. I still cry hard for him day, and beg him to come home to me. Karl thank you for your comment. So. Doctors once said I would never be able to conceive. I bring a chair to sit and just stare at the ground. I can relate to nearly everyones pain, grief and hopelessness. I finally am getting some grief counseling and it helps me to know that Im doing pretty well on the widowhood scale. My best friend's mother had passed away. I just want to hold my son, tell him I love him, see his beautiful smile not just one more day but forever. Absolutely no warning. The sadness is overwhelming. I just feel blessed that he loved me that much! It's been 20 years since you passed. I sit here now 23 months later with tears flowing endlessly. We were married for 45 years and I buried her ashes on our anniversary 23 Sept 2017. Since my mom's passing I've had four dreams about her. I hope they never have to know what its like to have a melt down over changing a light bulb or finding ants in the kitchen. It has to get better it cant stay this hard always:-(. How does one handle it? My best friend, and my doctor, said I should be over her death by now. The pain is unbearable. I dont know what to think. After being with him for over half my life. He did his nightly walked, went to the store and picked up milk and bread which he always does, before he left I asked him if I could come but he said no then he gave each of us a kissed on the forehead and said hell be right back, he then told me to get the kids in bed as there was school the next day. I hope you find what works for you, what helps get you through, what makes it bearable to be alive. Nothing has ever hurt so much and felt so hopeless. Therapy has really helped integrate my anger. I laughed hard at that. I will always feel his love. I sat with her for a week in palliative care, with my dad. He was strong he overcame so much I expected him to overcome this. I was no longer surviving it, I was Feeling it. So be it. 100 Things That Happen After Your Mom Dies - Couples Therapy We had so many dreams I wouldnt know where to start sharing them. The shock and numbness in the first year was dreadful, but it did protect me from the sharpness of the pain I now feel. She had battled Ovarian Cancer for 8 years. I could punch her in the mouth when she says that. As you say if God gives us a window, along with you- I am waiting. Death cannot kill what never dies" - William Penn. Reading all of the comments on this forum I just dont feel that my grief is normal- I love and miss him so so much so just dont understand how I can just carry on with my life and am not at breaking point anymore. This pain is not forever. You are not depressed and forget the damn therapy! Thank God for His presents in my life along with my Two Dogs that my husband loved so much. 6 more people passed including my father. We had met and dated only three months before we were married. He had the same slightly crooked nose, mocha skin, 5'9" body and Spartan-warrior haircut. Two hours later my daughter was wondering why Dad didnt reply all of her texts, she tried calling him many times but no answer, 45 minutes later a cop knocked on our door and told me he was in the ER, I didnt think much of it, my oldest daughter ran to the ER where he was ( we live a few feet away from the hospital) while I am taking care of my then 7 years old son. Recently my guilt has shifted. There is hope; the sun does shine again. Lend a supportive ear to others. I pray daily for all who mourn the death of a loved one or pet, O my, thankyou. How to Help Someone With Grief After a Sudden Death - The New York Times I know the biggest star in the sky that is shining the most is you. It is not a accounted for grief. Im not sure if I feel better or worse, reading these stories! I hope my jumbled messy comments can help any who think about self harm. A week later I told them to let her go, and they removed life support. We were only married a year and a half. That is really important to know. If youre lucky, youll have lots of scars from lots of loves. Id have to agree; like a winter season goes, your heart is dormant. I waited for the flood of feelings I was sure would come. The Lord is working on that companions heart as we speak, and that person is trying to prepare themselves for a crossroads convergence with your heart. Im actually looking forward to doing this and seeing hopefully my mom and other loved ones on the other side! I never knew I could cry so much and as someone says above, I dont want my anti depressants, its a different mind frame. I became numb, I spent the next 2 years struggling with the loss. Many loves lost as I mature. I try to act normal and sometimes its really hard. Hello, I lost my husband May 2015 suddenly and we have a small child who is now 5. I hate that people talk about it as a loss like divorce or getting laid off. This is good to know. They are blessings. I am grateful for the great love and happiness we shared. He, too had lung cancer and kidney failure and his death was sudden. ========================. [Verse] It's been nine months since you passed away Exactly nine months, nine months today It hasn't got easy, nothing's numbed the pain From time to time, I still call you by mistake I still . I find comfort in knowing we did everything we could together when we could. Very sorry for your loss and the passing of your husband, please accept my condolences. I am so sorry that we are all here. I totally understand. After being married for 42 years. Ill NEVER see him again. It is 660,116 days from the start date to the end date, but not including the end date.. Or 1807 years, 4 months excluding the end date.. Or 21688 months excluding the end date. Its been 2years and 2 months and some days it feels like yesterday all over again. Marriage 16 mo ago. The message she left for me was, to take it day by day. Pamela. The hymns always make me cry and then I come home, make a cup of tea and play more beautiful songs and hymns. I keep trying becasuse I know he would want to ,my grown kids need me and my two little grand children need me. I lost my wife as well, my best friend o 32 years. Passed from pancreatic cancer. Every moment where I was happy and excited was mixed with sadness and anger that my wife was not experiencing this. My husband lived only 6mos after drs found CNS lymphoma in his brain. I am trying to give something beautiful from him. I do not know what long enough means. We have good days and bad days but the longing is always there. He was a wonderful man, husband, father, gaga and he was my very best friend. Sometimes I find myself asking Did this really Happen? I love him with all of who I am. Wondering if others of you who are still grieving the loss of someone you loved very much, have been attacked like this, by so called friends, or family. When I met her she had 5 Children then we had a Son together, and 3 are still home with me and it just seems that sometimes it wont get better.